Tag: adhd

• Breaking Free: Healing After a Lifetime with Narcissistic Family Members

  For over 40 years, I tried to be good enough.

  Good enough to be loved, accepted, and maybe one day finally seen. But when your family is full of narcissistic personalities, that day never comes. No matter how hard you try, how much you bend, shrink, or twist yourself into a version you think they’ll be proud of… it’s never enough.

  And worse, you’re often made to feel like an embarrassment just for existing the way you are.

  But with narcissistic family members, the rules constantly change. One day you’re too much. The next, you’re not enough. You become so consumed with trying to fit the mold that you lose sight of who you are.

  It took me decades to see the cycle for what it was: emotional manipulation, control, and a complete disregard for my boundaries or well-being. And once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.

  The breaking point came slowly, then all at once. A collection of moments where I realized my mental health was deteriorating not because I was weak, but because I was exhausted from trying to earn love from people who withheld it as a weapon. I started to recognize how their voices had become my inner critic. I began to understand that the anxiety, the depression, the constant second-guessing of myself… it wasn’t just me. It was the damage they left behind.

  Choosing to step away was terrifying. I wrestled with guilt and shame. Society tells us family is everything, but what happens when your family is the source of your deepest pain?

  What happens is this: you survive. You heal. You finally get to exhale.

  Since creating distance emotionally and physically my world has changed. I no longer live in constant fear of judgment. I don’t walk on eggshells, anticipating the next passive-aggressive jab or silent treatment. I’m learning to trust myself again. To see my worth outside of what they tried to convince me I was.

  Healing hasn’t been linear. Some days still hurt. Also throw the joy of ADHD and over thinking everything. But now I understand that breaking free wasn’t selfish it was necessary. It was the only way to start reclaiming my peace. I so desperately needed that peace.

  

  If you’ve been made to feel like you’re never enough, I want you to know something: you are not the problem. You are not an embarrassment. You are not too sensitive, too emotional, too anything. You’ve been surviving in an environment that made you question your value! Stepping away from that isn’t weakness. It’s courage.

  It took me 40+ years to stop trying to be “good enough” for them and start being enough for myself. And that’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

  Below is a picture I drew in a drawing therapy session. Speaks volumes!

  

  21/04/2025

  abuse, adhd, emotionally manipulating, family, gas lighting

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• Diagnosed with ADHD in My 40s: Finally, the Missing Piece

  For most of my life, I’ve carried a quiet question in the back of my mind: Why is everything so hard for me when it seems so easy for everyone else? I didn’t have the words for it growing up, and I certainly didn’t have the tools. But recently, in my forties, I was diagnosed with ADHD and suddenly, it all made sense. I am also awaiting an Autism assessment.

  The diagnosis didn’t change who I am, but it gave me a new lens to look through. A kinder one. A lens that offered understanding instead of judgment.

  Looking Back: The Struggles I Didn’t Understand

  As a kid, I was labeled everything from “daydreamer” to “lazy.” I was always losing things, forgetting homework, zoning out in class. Teachers thought I wasn’t trying hard enough. I thought they were probably right.

  What they didn’t see was how hard I was trying. How my brain would buzz with a million thoughts at once. How I’d start a project full of energy, only to hit a wall of mental fog I couldn’t explain. How overwhelmed I felt by things that didn’t seem to bother anyone else.

  I wasn’t unmotivated or careless, I was undiagnosed.

  Adulthood Didn’t Magically Fix It

  I always thought I’d “grow out of it,” whatever it was. Spoiler: I didn’t.

  Adult life brought its own challenges managing time, staying organized, remembering appointments, starting and finishing tasks. Juggling work, relationships, and everyday responsibilities felt like a constant uphill climb.

  I blamed myself for a long time. Why couldn’t I just get it together?

  Turns out, I wasn’t broken, I was just wired differently.

  The Diagnosis: Relief, Grief, and Everything In Between

  When I finally got diagnosed, I felt a strange mix of emotions. I burst into tears! Relief that I wasn’t imagining it. Validation that there was a reason for my struggles. But also grief for the years spent thinking I was somehow not enough. For the little kid who was trying her best and didn’t know why it wasn’t working.

  Getting a diagnosis in midlife isn’t the end of the story, it’s the beginning of a new one. It’s a chance to go back and rewrite the narrative. To stop seeing myself as a mess and start seeing myself as a human who was doing the best she could with what she had.

  What I Know Now

  I’ve learned that ADHD isn’t a character flaw—it’s a neurological difference. I’ve started to explore strategies and supports that actually work for me, not against me. I’m giving myself permission to do things differently. To rest when I need to. To ask for help. To stop measuring myself by neurotypical standards.

  And most of all, I’ve started to show myself the compassion I needed decades ago.

  To Anyone Reading This

  If you’ve ever felt like you’re always one step behind, like life is harder for you than it should be, know this: You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. And it’s never too late to understand yourself more fully.

  Getting diagnosed with ADHD in my forties didn’t fix everything. But it gave me answers. It gave me tools. And it gave me hope.

  That’s more than I ever thought I’d have and it’s just the beginning.

  

  18/04/2025

  adhd, autism, late diagnosis

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