For over 40 years, I tried to be good enough.
Good enough to be loved, accepted, and maybe one day finally seen. But when your family is full of narcissistic personalities, that day never comes. No matter how hard you try, how much you bend, shrink, or twist yourself into a version you think they’ll be proud of… it’s never enough.
And worse, you’re often made to feel like an embarrassment just for existing the way you are.
But with narcissistic family members, the rules constantly change. One day you’re too much. The next, you’re not enough. You become so consumed with trying to fit the mold that you lose sight of who you are.
It took me decades to see the cycle for what it was: emotional manipulation, control, and a complete disregard for my boundaries or well-being. And once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.
The breaking point came slowly, then all at once. A collection of moments where I realized my mental health was deteriorating not because I was weak, but because I was exhausted from trying to earn love from people who withheld it as a weapon. I started to recognize how their voices had become my inner critic. I began to understand that the anxiety, the depression, the constant second-guessing of myself… it wasn’t just me. It was the damage they left behind.
Choosing to step away was terrifying. I wrestled with guilt and shame. Society tells us family is everything, but what happens when your family is the source of your deepest pain?
What happens is this: you survive. You heal. You finally get to exhale.
Since creating distance emotionally and physically my world has changed. I no longer live in constant fear of judgment. I don’t walk on eggshells, anticipating the next passive-aggressive jab or silent treatment. I’m learning to trust myself again. To see my worth outside of what they tried to convince me I was.
Healing hasn’t been linear. Some days still hurt. Also throw the joy of ADHD and over thinking everything. But now I understand that breaking free wasn’t selfish it was necessary. It was the only way to start reclaiming my peace. I so desperately needed that peace.
If you’ve been made to feel like you’re never enough, I want you to know something: you are not the problem. You are not an embarrassment. You are not too sensitive, too emotional, too anything. You’ve been surviving in an environment that made you question your value! Stepping away from that isn’t weakness. It’s courage.
It took me 40+ years to stop trying to be “good enough” for them and start being enough for myself. And that’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
Below is a picture I drew in a drawing therapy session. Speaks volumes!
Sensory Soul 